What I Think about during a Massage

  • Posted on August 4, 2018 at 7:47 pm
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I’ve always known that I’m an outlier. Whatever the norm is in any situation, I will be the odd 1 percent. Medical conditions? I don’t have the typical symptoms. TV shows everyone loves? Nope, not me. Common reactions to a medication, a book, a trend? Mine aren’t common. The same goes for what I think about during a massage.

In a previous blog post, I discussed some thoughts that run through my mind during a massage that I should address with my massage therapist (see “Scenes from the Face Cradle”), but this post is about things many people think about that I clearly do not.


I’ve asked people what they think about while their head is lying in the face cradle, and I’ve Googled this question as well. The most common answers I’ve heard are, “What if I accidentally fart?” “Oh crap, I forgot to shave my legs.” “My fat is probably grossing out my therapist.” “OMG, what if I get my period during my massage? Why did I book it so close to the day?”

Most of these thoughts have never occurred to me during a massage. In my most recent massage, I counted all the movies I could that start with a “C” (Cinema Paradiso, Casablanca, Chasing Amy ) I wondered if my friend Bill who died recently can see me naked now. And I thought about why people underline things in library books.

But admittedly I have had some of the more common thoughts, such as “What if I pass gas?” or “What if I fall asleep and snore?” I think I’ve just eased up a bit because I’ve been getting massages for so long and because I’ve come to realize that massage therapists are so used to these situations that if they were to happen (gulp) to me, I would not be the first or last, and I would live through it. (Okay, truth be told, I would still be humiliated.) But the question is … why?22580911_179315659310645_6871130019201024000_n

Massage therapists went into this field knowing these were all possibilities, so clearly they are not worried about them, so why should we be? And how come there are people who would just say, “Oops, sorry” and be done with it? I guess, as my Aunt Rita would say, “We’re all wired differently.” 

The truth is, massage therapists just want us to have clean bodies, act professionally, and tip decently. Hairy legs don’t faze them. And they might even take it as a compliment if you fall asleep because it means you’re relaxed. So, during your next massage, don’t sweat the stuff your massage therapist isn’t even thinking about (like whether or not you’re sweating from the heated table). However, if you need other useless ideas to run through your head during your massage, I have plenty to share. Just e-mail me or comment here.

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