Val The Spa Gal Learning to Relax One Spa at a Time

Just because COVID-19 has descended upon us, this is no time to skimp on self-care. In fact, it might be more important than ever. Now that people are more isolated, lonely, and uncertain about the future, we need all we can to make ourselves feel better. Self-care is a big part of that. No massage? No worries! I’ve got you covered.

It’s time to pull out all those products you’ve stashed away for a special occasion. Now is that special occasion! Do you have a cleanser, face mask, body scrub, self-tanner, nail polish, hair treatment, or shower product waiting for your indulgence? Psychologists have long prescribed sunshine, nature, affirmations, meditation, yoga, and anything safe and healthy to lift the mood. We need our global moods lifted now more than ever. Pampering yourself can go a long way in feeling better regardless of the COVID-19 pandemic. Here are some suggestions:

Focus on the eyes! Many of us are wearing masks now, so let’s let the eyes take center stage. Grab your fave mascara, eye liner, eyebrow pencil, and eye shadow, and make a statement with those peepers. When you wear a mask, others notice your eyes more, so let them shine!

Many hair salons are now open on a limited schedule. If you feel comfortable, and you and your hairdresser are masked, why not get a cut, color, hot oil treatment, or a Brazilian blowout (which I just did!). If not, try combining an egg, plain yogurt, and an avocado, and, viola, you’ve gone a super-moisturizing hair mask! Self-care doesn’t have to be expensive. Essential oils, which can be used in a diffuser, on pulse points, as a spray, and many other ways, is an excellent way to feed your self-care routine. I highly recommend Saje. They have an enormous selection of high-quality essential oil products.

If COVID-19 has sufficiently scared you, try a meditation specifically designed to address pandemic stress. You can find thousands of free ones at Insight Timer. For an annual fee of $59.99, you can access thousands more. Self-care can be found in droves online in the form of videos, events, meditations, talks, and films at Gaia. I recently signed up for drumming lessons with Rhythm Bliss. It’s been surprisingly calming, stress-releasing, and meditative. You don’t even need a drum! Breathing exercises (pranayama, in Ayurveda) is a beautiful way to relax or energize, and you can find many free videos on how to do this on YouTube.

This pandemic is not going to last forever. Think about how you’d like to present your best “self” when this is over. Do you want to be able to say, “I learned qigong online, purged my cosmetics drawer, read about energy healing, or reevaluated my career choice?” Whatever it is, self-care is not self-indulgence; it’s a step toward a happier, healthier you!

I’ve always known that I’m an outlier. Whatever the norm is in any situation, I will be the odd 1 percent. Medical conditions? I don’t have the typical symptoms. TV shows everyone loves? Nope, not me. Common reactions to a medication, a book, a trend? Mine aren’t common. The same goes for what I think about during a massage.

In a previous blog post, I discussed some thoughts that run through my mind during a massage that I should address with my massage therapist (see “Scenes from the Face Cradle”), but this post is about things many people think about that I clearly do not.

I’ve asked people what they think about while their head is lying in the face cradle, and I’ve Googled this question as well. The most common answers I’ve heard are, “What if I accidentally fart?” “Oh crap, I forgot to shave my legs.” “My fat is probably grossing out my therapist.” “OMG, what if I get my period during my massage? Why did I book it so close to the day?”

Most of these thoughts have never occurred to me during a massage. In my most recent massage, I counted all the movies I could that start with a “C” (Cinema Paradiso, Casablanca, Chasing Amy … ) I wondered if my friend Bill who died recently can see me naked now. And I thought about why people underline things in library books.

But admittedly I have had some of the more common thoughts, such as “What if I pass gas?” or “What if I fall asleep and snore?” I think I’ve just eased up a bit because I’ve been getting massages for so long and because I’ve come to realize that massage therapists are so used to these situations that if they were to happen (gulp) to me, I would not be the first or last, and I would live through it. (Okay, truth be told, I would still be humiliated.) But the question is … why?

Massage therapists went into this field knowing these were all possibilities, so clearly they are not worried about them, so why should we be? And how come there are people who would just say, “Oops, sorry” and be done with it? I guess, as my Aunt Rita would say, “We’re all wired differently.” 

The truth is, massage therapists just want us to have clean bodies, act professionally, and tip decently. Hairy legs don’t faze them. And they might even take it as a compliment if you fall asleep because it means you’re relaxed. So, during your next massage, don’t sweat the stuff your massage therapist isn’t even thinking about (like whether or not you’re sweating from the heated table). However, if you need other useless ideas to run through your head during your massage, I have plenty to share. Just e-mail me or comment here.

What do you think about when you’re in the face cradle staring at the floor or your massage therapist’s painted toenails? If you’re like me, a million thoughts run through your head during those 60 minutes. Even with eyes shut, lights dimmed, and body warmed, an array of odd and ridiculous things cross my mind.

My first instinct is to relax of course. So I take some deep breaths, close my eyes, and allow my draped body to sink into the table. The therapist starts gently applying lotion and kneading my tight spots. And that’s when the craziness begins. My eyes open and I think, “Did I e-mail my client back before I left? I think I did. No, wait, I think I left in draft. Crap.” Then I close my eyes again and try to relax as my therapist firmly elbows her way into my right scapula. I quietly “Ohm” to myself but don’t want to meditate because then I risk falling asleep, which I do not want to do.

The therapist asks me if the pressure is okay. “Perfect,” I say. It is killing me, however. Why am I always so quick to please while on the table? Maybe I am succumbing to that infuriating Western “no pain/no gain” mentality. Or maybe it is because of the vulnerability of my nakedness on the table. Or is it because I just trust that she knows what she’s doing?

I close my eyes again. “I wonder how old Jerry Seinfeld is. I should’ve told him I had a crush on him before the whole world knew him. Who knows – I could’ve become Valerie Seinfeld… I can’t wait to see who Rachel picks on The Bachelorette. I watch too much TV. I need to study for my meditation certification. Testing is coming up.”

My nose itches, but I have to move my arm to scratch it, and I feel funny doing that. I know that’s ridiculous, but I don’t want to interrupt the calm of the massage. She’s palpating my glutes and what if moving makes me … ya know.

“It’s almost July Fourth, and I hope I get some really good coupons in my e-mail. I’m going to make a Fourth of July resolution – I’m giving up Candy Crush. There, I said it out loud, in my head, so I have to do it. I need to get that crack in my windshield fixed. Damn, I think I’m out of almond milk.”

My therapist removes the face cradle and is turning me over now. She slathers too much lotion on my neck and shoulders. It gets in my hair. I don’t say anything. There are only 15 minutes left of my massage. My knots are loosening. My thoughts are not.

What I think about next is this: I love my massage therapist. She truly does help with my kinks, and she lessens my chronic headaches. But I don’t think she wants to give her pat answers and not to speak up about what I want. So, next time she asks about the pressure, I will gather the courage to say it is a bit too deep. I will ask if she can use a tad less lotion. And if my nose itches, I’ll scratch it. This doesn’t mean I won’t think about one of my editing projects or whether my United miles are expiring soon or I won’t list the states alphabetically, from Alabama to Wyoming (yes, I did that). I’ll just try to be a bit less neurotic with my aim to please. My thoughts? Well, they’re beyond hope.

I arrived at the Spa at Camelback on a sweltering day in mid-July. Did I mention that it’s in Phoenix? The temperature throughout the week hovered in the low 100’s. But the price was so irresistible that it was worth every melting penny in my pocket.

The Camelback Inn Resort & Spa set the tone for their outstanding customer service the minute I pulled in. Despite the Arizona heat, a group of greeters met me in the parking lot, with smiles. The front desk cheerily welcomed me as well and pointed out on a map which building I’d be staying in.

My room was missing the spa slippers and blow dryer. I called the front desk, and they immediately sent me the slippers, but the blow dryer took a long time to arrive, as my hair began to dry, style-less, in the desert heat. When someone finally knocked on my door to give me the blow dryer, it occurred to me that someone had just gone to the store to purchase the brand-new appliance.

The next day, I hit the spa. The check-in was simple, and again, a round of smiles, “My pleasure,” and “Please let me know if you have any questions.” The desert rain loofah was heavenly, with the Vichy shower washing away my worries about the due date of my next book review. (I even got to keep the loofah.) The Native Hot Stone Massage ended blissfully, with my therapist gently shaking a rain stick around my body. The salon at the spa even lent me a round brush to take to my room when I realized that I had forgotten to pack mine.

Dining options overflowed from their array of on-site establishments. Rita’s Kitchen offered gluten-free choices and “gluten-free upon request” selections. The beet & goat cheese salad had me peeing red for days because I simply could not stop ordering it.

My particular package offered $159 a night for my room, plus a $50 daily credit good for the spa, golf, and other activities. When I ran into a snafu with a spa store purchase, I mentioned it to Joseph, the uber-kind front desk manager, and he immediately apologized and offered me a $25 resort credit.

I honestly cannot think of anything that disappointed at the Camelback Inn Resort & Spa, and I am one scrutinous spa-goer. Well, okay, I wish they had told me that they were going to have to purchase my replacement blow dryer and that it would take a while. But how could I complain while waiting in a spacious room with a patio outside my sliding-glass doors and a pool I could walk to from there?

If any of you have been to the Spa at Camelback, I’d love to hear your story.